How to Get a Divorce

Although divorce is the farthest thing from most people’s mind on the day that they stand in front of each other and say “I Do,” divorce is something that forty to fifty percent of couples who are married for the first time will have to eventually deal with. To make matters worse, the rate of divorce increases significantly for couples who are on their second or third marriage.

While you may have never expected to be reading about divorce, if your relationship has come to a point where divorce seems like the only option, it is important to educate yourself about the topic before making any final decisions. This article is not a substitute for professional or legal advice, but it should help you understand what you will go through if you make the decision to get a divorce.

Make Sure You Have Tried All of Your Other Options

During a heated argument, it is all too common for one spouse to yell out that they want a divorce. Although this statement may come out during a moment of heated anger, it is not always true once the fight has ended and both spouses have had time to cool off and collect their thoughts.

Therefore, if you decided you wanted a divorce in a moment of turmoil, step back and think about the long-term effects that this decision will have on you and your family. If your desire for a divorce is in response to on-going problems, you may want to explore options such as marriage counseling.

Find an Attorney That You Can Talk To

If you have exhausted all of your available options (or have found yourself in a situation such as a physically abusive relationship) and you are sure that you want to go through with having a divorce, the first thing you need to do is find an attorney. While you may have heard of the so-called benefits of do-it-yourself divorces, in reality almost all do-it-yourself divorces end up being more expensive and time consuming than divorces that are handled by legal professionals. Therefore, it is highly recommended that you enlist the services of a lawyer. Since this person will be representing you during very emotional times, you should not only choose a lawyer that is qualified, but also one that you are comfortable talking to about some of the intimate details of your life.

Collect All of the Documents You Need

Because divorce is a legal process, it requires a significant amount of documentation. Your lawyer may need you to obtain additional documentation, but here is a list that can help you get started: assets and liabilities of both spouses, at least one year’s income tax return (most lawyers prefer to receive income tax returns from multiple years), domestic contracts, your marriage certificate, any existing divorce decrees (from previous marriages), recent pay slips, detailed information (SSN, phone numbers, addresses, birth dates) on both spouses and any children, and details about any activities involving the marriage (such as marriage counseling or previous legal proceedings involving any children).

Begin the Divorce Process

Once you have provided your lawyer with all of the necessary documentation and they have had time to prepare your divorce case, the divorce process can begin. The divorce process begins when one spouse (the plaintiff) serves the other spouse (the defendant) with a Summons. The Summons is a document that explains why the plaintiff is seeking a divorce, along with details of what is expected of the divorce (such as custody and financial arrangements). Once the defendant is served with the Summons, they have thirty-five days to respond with a legal document called a Notice of Appearance. The defendant may also file a Counterclaim against the original Summons, which means that they disagree with part or all of the Summons.

Start the Legal Proceedings of the Divorce

There are two paths that most divorce proceedings follow. If you and your spouse are on amicable terms, you can save yourself a lot of time and stress by making a Separation Agreement. A Separation Agreement is a document that is normally created prior to or at the beginning of a divorce. It is a document that defines agreements on topics such as property division and child support, and is agreed on by both parties. If you and your spouse are unable to create a Separation Agreement together, both of your lawyers will begin the discovery phase of the divorce process. The discovery process involves both lawyers exploring the other spouses to find out as much information as possible, which will be used later on when determining topics such as property division and child support (the same topics that a Separation Agreement takes care of amicably).

Finalize the Divorce

Once a Separation Agreement has been created or the discovery phase of the divorce has been completed, the time will come when both parties have to decide whether their divorce will be finalized through a settlement or in court. If you are like ninety-five percent of the other couples that get divorced, your case will be settled and finalized out of court. Everything from visitation issues to financial support will be resolved without the intervention of a judge.

If you do find yourself in the small percentage of couples whose divorce cannot be finalized through a settlement, you will be required to attend an Early Settlement Panel. An Early Settlement Panel is a last attempt to get couples to settle without entering the courtroom. When this action also fails to resolve the divorce process, a trial in front of a judge will begin several months later.

Once all of the divorce proceedings are complete (whether in court or out of court), all of the documents associated with the divorce will be reviewed by a court clerk. Unless something is wrong with the documents, the papers will be sent to a judge and the divorce will be finalized when the judge signs a Divorce Decree.